I was given a small piece of durian yesterday. Pastor Felix retrieved it from his apartment, and when I received it, I began to understand why they don't want it in the church office. This small piece was in a plastic container, tied up in a bag, and still the 'fragrance' was strong. I did not open it then, and in fact, I have not opened it yet. It sat in my fridge overnight, and when I opened the fridge door this morning, it announced its presence. This is a difficult one,.... any advice?
By yesterday evening, I was fairly done in. Of course my body had a few things to say, and my heart was weary as well. I have two more days of meeting with people, and then on Sunday I sing here in the worship before heading to the airport. But this morning, I am rested, up early and taking some 'space' before my first sitting in about a 1/2 hour.
I did a shopping errand yesterday, walking through an outside market named 'divisorio' that filled 4 or 5 blocks. Apparently most goods arrive here from outside Manila, and then is 'divided' or distributed to different areas of the city. It is outdoor wholesale. The place is filled with people, and as a white person, I caused a lot of attention. I went with pastor L.J. who took me on a jeepney ride, and then led me to two stores that I had asked to go to; then we walked back to the church - we could walk faster than the jeepneys could travel by that time of the day.
I am a power shopper - I can last only about 1 hour, so the big thing is to know what I am going for and then get in and get out. But the color, and sounds, the extremes of poverty and abundance, the beauty of the children and the desperateness of some of the situations - it was almost too much to receive and observe and understand at the same time. I want to go back without having to be shopping, just be present to it all. But it may be a grace that I probably will not have that ability on this trip. How would I make more space in my spirit for what I would see?
Later, as I was traveling to an evening appointment I was thinking about how my perspective would be different if I had no choice but to stay. I thought about the fact that I have this glimpse into life here, but it is not mine to own. If it was, if this is what I knew only, then what would my response be? How would grace be enacted in me? Again, my heart is stretched.
So today, as you read this, pray for us. I am sitting with two people, and then tomorrow with two more. I need to prepare for Sunday singing, and will need to rest. Pray for me that I will continue to keep my face turned to Christ, and look for him in the midst of all these things.
I am beginning to have thoughts about Australia, and being with dear friends - but I am shelving those thoughts for later, in my strong desire to stay present to this place and this time. I don't want to leave here yet. As well, the thought of travel to Singapore and Brisbane - moving into the anticipation of the next part of the trip - that is like candy to me. I look forward to the travel time when it comes.
As for the durian, well,....
Love you much,
Peace,
Mary
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